Friday, November 6, 2009

saying goodbye is hard to do...

Two things are often said about me and my family. The first is that we are 'close'. This is a huge understatement. We are close, but, we are so much more than that. My family, which consists of my dad, mom, sister, brother, and myself, are so close that when one person feels something, we all feel it a hundred times more. If someone pisses the other one off, you can bet we'll be on the phone with all other members of the family for an hour, or two. After we get done with the phone bashing, we proceed to email each other about it, call each other again, and then update our facebook statuses to show the offender that we mean business. If one is happy, we revel in it, laugh, celebrate, and cook huge dinners. If one is sad, we cry, hold one other, and talk about times when...

We have telepathic tendencies. Too many phone calls have started with, "Oh, I was just dialing your number..." or, "Wow, you used your powers again, I so need to talk to you right now."

We feel each other, and it is the most surreal thing.

The second thing that is often said about me is that I'm a 'crier'. Well, this is the most understated understatement in the history of them all. I cry all the time. All the time. And I love it. It's my favorite thing about myself. I cry when I'm happy, sad, mad, or when someone tells a joke (I get that one from my mom.) I cry when someone I hardly know is hurting, I cry when people sing, I cry in the shower, I cry when my dog is frustrating me, I cry at work (and often), I cry and cry and cry. I'm sure if you asked the people who witnessed my nuptials, they would say they weren't sure if I was happy, or mortified to be getting married. I was physically unable to give my husband, family, and guests a wedding toast. I just stood with a microphone in my hand and somehow managed to whimper out, "ttthhhhankkk youuu, *sob* soooo muchhh!" But, to me, it's the greatest feeling. To have such a release of all my emotions, at any given time, it truly is the only way I know how to express myself the best.

My little baby brother (who is a 6 foot, nineteen year old, and who used to be the tiny boy on his first day of school, pictured above) moved out of my parents house and all the way to Colorado this past week. He now lives approximately 1167.36 miles away from me.

We are devastated. It hurts.

I know, I know, he's going to have the time of his life, he's on an adventure, it's only going to be two months 'till you see him again...but, did I say, we're close?

Taking him to the airport with my mom and sister was the hardest thing I've had to do in my life so far. To quote my mom, it felt like ''our hearts were being ripped out". Our hearts had been ripped out. Ripped out, checked into baggage claim, tossed into cargo by the TSA, and strewn about amidst all the other luggage.

And I cried. Oh, how I cried.

He's moving to Vail, Colorado to be a ski-lift operator. He'll will be having the time of his life. This kid practically came out of the womb with a snowboard strapped to his feet.

I just keep repeating those things in my mind. He's on an adventure...time of his life...adventure...adventure...

The truth is, I know this. It's still hard, but somewhere, deep down, there's a fluttering bit of excitement. I am so utterly proud of this little boy who grew up beside me, teasing and taunting me, and loving deeper than all of us combined. He's the littlest one, he got all of the best traits.

I'm excited for him because this journey of his will be full of firsts. His first time living out of the house, the nest he grew up in. His first time kissing his momma goodbye. The first time actually taking advice from his daddy. His first apartment, his first roommate. His first accounts of full responsibility.

I'm excited for the day when he can't handle another frozen pizza, or 11 cent package of Ramen and calls our mom to find out how on earth to bake a chicken, and how, oh how, do you make those lovely dumplings? He'll cunningly convince a girl to make it for him, and for the first time in months, he'll get an itty bitty taste of home.

I am excited, thrilled, for my little baby brother.

You will have the time of your life. You are on an amazing adventure. We miss you so, but are more proud of you than you can ever possibly imagine.

As for me, I'm going to go cry now. And call my mom.


  1. Awww, your post made me cry!! I know ALL too well the feelings and emotions you're feeling, but I was the one leaving my family and everything I had ever known for an adventure. I know what you mean about being a close knit family....ours is MUCH the same as yours and when one is hurting, so are the others. It's ok to miss him and to hurt and to cry....let it out and don't be ashamed. Huge hugs to you all!!

  2. Ooooh, Veronika. When my sister moved to CO last fall for her internship, she was only gone for 3 months, but it felt like an eternity. I definitely understand how you feel. BUT, what an AMAZING opportunity he villages are SO FUN. You meet such interesting people. Especially in VAIL! :)

    If you and Todd want to join me and Billy skiing this winter...let me know ;-)