Literally. No exaggerating.
Dive-bomb, direct target, brutal attack.
Riding my bike by the river today, I felt something hit my head.
I thought it was just someone throwing something at me again...
Yes, that happens to me...and more often than I care to admit.
But then I reached up and felt a feathery mass of body.
And I freaked out.
I tried to pedal faster, but my poor bike doesn't do faster.
I think there's only like, one gear. If that.
So my feet did that funny thing, you know, like when you're walking up the stairs in the dark, and you think there's just one more step than there actually is, so you step down too hard and you get that weird sinking feeling in your tummy...yeah, that.
Stupid bird kept diving down, pecking and scratching at my head!
Finally, after about a block, it stopped.
Maybe I hit it. I don't know.
It wasn't until later, when I went to go tell my sister what happened, that I noticed my hair was wet.
I got freaking owned by a bird!
In hopes that this never happens to me again, I am hear-by offering a public apology to the birds of America...
I wasn't making fun of you when I wore this two Halloween's ago...
Please don't attack me again.
As always. The joke is on me.