gullible...

Normally, I'm the one who will believe anything. 

Normally, my husband exploits this and uses it to my disadvantage.

I'm the one who you show that website to.

The one with the picture that you're suppose to stare, and stare at to try and find out what's wrong with the image until suddenly a big, ugly, terrible face flashes before your eyes with a shrill, retching scream.

And I fall for it every time.

Normally. 

But not today...

Today, I was the victim of blunt force trauma to my jaw-slash-tongue. 


My sweet, innocent, little nephew was crawling all over me. Cuddling, laughing, and crawling, and just being as sweet as can be.


Until he wanted to reach the unreachable. He wanted to see out the window, look out into the world. See the cars and snow and loveliness. But, that required him climbing up onto my shoulders. He did it once and succeeded, but that was with assistance. I hoisted him up myself so I could see his little grin of happiness. The second time, however, I was no longer in the mood. 

Do something once with a toddler, be prepared to do it a hundred times more.

And so, I watched him climb his own way up. Grabbing my legs, lurching himself onto the futon, holding my waist, and bringing one chubby leg up onto my shoulder. The second wasn't as smooth. He hit a wall that was my face. My jaw clenched onto my unsuspecting tongue and I let out a yelp.

Immediate blood.

With a split tongue, I went home. Waited for my husband to come home, and, upon arrival, I told him that I had injured myself. Which isn't that uncommon of a greeting...

My eyes big and batting, I proceeded to deceive him. Never have I pulled off such ploy and deception. But I was ready, and willing... 

"Baby" I said,  "I hurt myself today..."

My concerned husband asked, 

"What happened"

Wheels turning, I planted my tale...

"Well, um...It's kind of embarrassing...but...um...well, someone was slicing turkey at work today, and well, there was a piece left on the slicer when they were done..."

His eyes got big.

"...and...I...well...I licked the meat slicer."

"YOU WHAT!?!?"

"Yes. Um. I licked the meat slicer. I'm sorry. Are you mad at me?"

"You mean to tell me that you licked the same kind of meat slicer that my cousin almost lost all of his fingers to? and, and...you LICKED it?!!"

"Um...mmmhmm."

I shrug innocently.

"Wow."  he says, "You are such an idiot."

I convulse into a fit of laughter and come clean. 

He won't forgive me, but I got him. 

And I got him good.

It's just too bad that my swelling tongue is outweighing my swelling pride.