avocado, you fail.

Todd works late tonight.

To me, this means a night of self pampering, spoiled indulgence, and beauty regimens too embarrassing to do while he's home.

My favorite: hair masks.

Since I've gone au naturale, I was determined to find a cheap, safe, do-it-myself alternative to the prepackaged hair goo I used to get at the store. 

Plus, I don't have a car, so I was stuck at home anyway.

No matter...

I open the fridge.

Find an avocado better to have been used last week.

Mash it up with an egg yolk and a little bit of olive oil.

And slop it all over my hair.

Put on my hot pink shower cap and sit happily for an hour.

"Ahhhhhh..."

I think to myself.

"This is good."

And on I go, surfing the web, and craving tacos.

"Mmmm...guacamole...that sounds yummy..."

I sit, and sit, perusing the internet, learning absolutely nothing, but completely absorbed.

An hour later...

Time to rinse!

I go to the kitchen sink- Todd would be angry if I stopped the tub drain with avocados, after all.

Green water. 

That's kind of gross.

I trot upstairs to the shower.

Relax under the hot water.

Ahhhhh...

Sticky hair.

Not so easy to rinse out.

Try to block avocado pieces from floating down the drain.

Scrub. Scrub. Scrub.

No more green water, hmmmm...must be done!

I get out of the shower, excited to see the results.

Will my hair be so soft?

Will it glisten in the sun?

Will it encourage perfect strangers to run their fingers through my freshly moisturized locks?

The mirror is cloudy, so I wait.

As slow as my hair dries, the mirror de-fogs.

A clear reflection creeps into focus.

I slowly see what I feared might happen.

Gasp! I inhale! It didn't rinse out!

My hands fly to my tresses...

Soft- yes.

Glistening- yes.

Inviting of strangers to stroke their fingers through- well, only if they're hungry...

Suspended in my web of hair, chunks of fleshy avocado pulp hung adhesively to each strand and follicle. Snarls and tangles imprisoned the green globs, and no comb or brush was a match for the captive fruit.

Aside from the horror of the lingering avocado, my soft and shiny hair had expanded to at least five times it's natural volume! Huge! HUGE I tell you!!

There on my head, an afro buffet of mexican cuisine!

Oh, the catastrophe! Oh, the humiliation!

This is why I do these things alone...

Can you imagine the embarrassment if Todd had been home?

He would have never let me live it down.

For the rest of the night I will be humbly plucking avocado pieces from my hair.

Hopefully, with another two or five showers, all of it will be gone by morning...

Hopefully.

If not, the regulars at work tomorrow might be asking for a side of chips and salsa with their morning coffee...