spring...

It's here.

The time of year for tulips, bike riding, and laundry drying in the breeze.

Muddy, sloppy paws that lull the mop out of it's corner for an almost daily debut.

Freckles peek out from pale hibernation to greet the sun.

Rings adorn my toes.

I cut through the soft grass in my sandals instead of staying on the sidewalk.

Lena snacks on butterflies and bumble bees.

Open windows sweep out the stale, wintered air.

Husband spends most evenings in the garage, creating, organizing, inventing.

I stretch out on the lawn chair with a good book.

Sip iced tea and lemonade.

Breathe. 

Deep.

We top off the bird feeder and I ask my husband, 

"How do the birds know where to find the food?"

He shrugs.

"I don't know, word of mouth?"

what is this feeling?

I didn't think it could happen to me...

The obsession.

The fixation.

The excitement.

I read, "Twilight".

"What's the big deal?"

I thought.

"Really, what is this all about? Is it really something great? or is it just a prepubescent fetish?"

I fluttered through the first few chapters, enjoying the plot, the characters, the settings, all the while trying to place Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in the mirror of my mind, acting the story out on the tiny big screen in my head. Mostly that just made my mind drift, wondering what Kristen and Robert were doing right now in real life...didn't I hear they got married? I wonder if they shop at Walmart? Do they wear socks when they're home, or go barefoot?

Less than mid way through, I really sunk my teeth in.

I was always thirsty for more...

The passion, the lust, the drama!

Instead of picturing Kristen, I pictured myself as Bella.

Instead of picturing Robert, I pictured my husband as Edward.

(Okay, not really...I still pictured Robert. You can judge me, I don't care.)

During the day, in the time away from my new favorite book, I pretended someone would be there to swoop down and stop me from tripping, or block a runaway car about to hit me, or blast a bad guy to smithereens!

I wondered,

What would I look like as a vampire? Could I really get any paler??

Wouldn't I look so pretty being all sparkly when I stepped into the sun?

I finished the first book last night.

Sliding into bed, sipping the last few slurps of my tea, I read the final pages.

I closed the book, and sighed, long and heavy.

Tucking myself deep down into the comforter, I glanced over at my sleeping husband, my icy toes curled under his.

Pulling the sheets up to my chin, and batting my pouty blue eyes, I said,

"I wish I could be a vampire too"

Not so asleep, my charming husband replied,

"Shut. The. (I can't say that word.) Up."

Okay. Maybe I have gone overboard.

the day Lena turned one...

Some time ago, somewhere in Kentucky, a boy dog and a girl dog (who, we are told were probably related...) decided they loved each other and made puppies. Or they were just bored...who knows.

A year ago today, those puppies were born. 

And one of them ended up with us.

(Lena, May of '09)

We celebrated in style. Doggy style.

We took Lena to the dog park, but her friends thought it was too muddy to come out and play.

She didn't think so! She ran through every pool of water and puddle of mud she could find.

Ohhhh, was she ever dirty...

So, we loaded her up and took her to the 'dog spa' (aka. tub and hose)

When we got home, we prettied her up with a crown...

("I'm 1! Or 7, depending how you look at it...")

And ate some cake!

(Spelling out "Happy Birthday" in cheese whiz is really, really hard.)

I'm pretty sure Lena had some sweet dreams of chasing tennis balls and eating peanut butter cake.

And she thinks we're the coolest human parents ever. 

She told me so.

avocado, you fail.

Todd works late tonight.

To me, this means a night of self pampering, spoiled indulgence, and beauty regimens too embarrassing to do while he's home.

My favorite: hair masks.

Since I've gone au naturale, I was determined to find a cheap, safe, do-it-myself alternative to the prepackaged hair goo I used to get at the store. 

Plus, I don't have a car, so I was stuck at home anyway.

No matter...

I open the fridge.

Find an avocado better to have been used last week.

Mash it up with an egg yolk and a little bit of olive oil.

And slop it all over my hair.

Put on my hot pink shower cap and sit happily for an hour.

"Ahhhhhh..."

I think to myself.

"This is good."

And on I go, surfing the web, and craving tacos.

"Mmmm...guacamole...that sounds yummy..."

I sit, and sit, perusing the internet, learning absolutely nothing, but completely absorbed.

An hour later...

Time to rinse!

I go to the kitchen sink- Todd would be angry if I stopped the tub drain with avocados, after all.

Green water. 

That's kind of gross.

I trot upstairs to the shower.

Relax under the hot water.

Ahhhhh...

Sticky hair.

Not so easy to rinse out.

Try to block avocado pieces from floating down the drain.

Scrub. Scrub. Scrub.

No more green water, hmmmm...must be done!

I get out of the shower, excited to see the results.

Will my hair be so soft?

Will it glisten in the sun?

Will it encourage perfect strangers to run their fingers through my freshly moisturized locks?

The mirror is cloudy, so I wait.

As slow as my hair dries, the mirror de-fogs.

A clear reflection creeps into focus.

I slowly see what I feared might happen.

Gasp! I inhale! It didn't rinse out!

My hands fly to my tresses...

Soft- yes.

Glistening- yes.

Inviting of strangers to stroke their fingers through- well, only if they're hungry...

Suspended in my web of hair, chunks of fleshy avocado pulp hung adhesively to each strand and follicle. Snarls and tangles imprisoned the green globs, and no comb or brush was a match for the captive fruit.

Aside from the horror of the lingering avocado, my soft and shiny hair had expanded to at least five times it's natural volume! Huge! HUGE I tell you!!

There on my head, an afro buffet of mexican cuisine!

Oh, the catastrophe! Oh, the humiliation!

This is why I do these things alone...

Can you imagine the embarrassment if Todd had been home?

He would have never let me live it down.

For the rest of the night I will be humbly plucking avocado pieces from my hair.

Hopefully, with another two or five showers, all of it will be gone by morning...

Hopefully.

If not, the regulars at work tomorrow might be asking for a side of chips and salsa with their morning coffee...

"Dear husband...

...would you still love me

if my face really did get stuck like this?"

"Dear wife, of course I would still love you...

...your face is pretty much stuck like that..."

True story.

the day Lena learned a lesson...

Even dogs have bad days. 

Something embarrassing happens. 

Something painful happens. 

You hope no one saw.

But, someone did.

A few days ago, on an especially frigid wintry Wisconsin day, I let Lena out for her morning potty.

Morning potties are so much more convenient and satisfying for me now that she's almost a year old. So far in my life, there has been nothing more humbling than standing over a confused puppy while encouraging in a high, squeaky, 'you-can-do-it' voice, 

"Go potty Lena! Make a poopie! Go potty, girl!!"

All the while knowing that our sardined neighbors, having overheard me, were snickering in their warm living rooms.

Anyway. I let her out for her morning potty and went upstairs to ready myself for the day ahead. Free of an extra four legs beneath me, I put on my makeup, brushed my teeth, and tied back my hair. I went downstairs, gathered my purse and lunch, checked to make sure my keys were somewhere on my person and went down the back stairway to let Lena back in.

It was then that I heard it. Cries of anguish.

I've heard Lena cry before, obviously. Sometimes from shock or fright, other times from pain when I forget she's laying at the bottom of my feet and I accidentally squish her tail. But never like this...

She was crying, a lot. So much that, after it registered to my ears, I thought it couldn't really be her crying, she must have gotten another rabbit. It seriously sounded like an animal dying. I thought to myself, 'awesome. she got another rabbit and todd's not here to pry it from her salivating mouth...'

The crying and whimpering got worse and as I swung the backdoor open I yelled, 

"LENA!! DROP IT!!"

But, as I looked down, I did not see a limp bunny, or an unfortunate squirrel.

All I saw was my puppies' tongue, stretched out and strained.

It was frozen to the storm door.

I gasped. I yelped.

I sucked my own tongue to the back of my throat to prevent myself from the same misfortune.

With one more grueling cry, Lena pulled herself away from the storm door, and tore her tongue away from the icy aluminum.

I looked at her, my mouth agape.

She looked up at me. She looked at the door.

She licked her mouth tenderly.

And licked it again.

Without a word, I opened the door to let her in.

She panicked and backed away from the monstrosity of frozen metal that used to be the welcoming passageway for food and warmth. Eventually, and meekly, she sidestepped around the door and came back inside the house, continuously and numbly licking her lips.

Later that day, I investigated.

There on the door, a frozen web of taste buds and saliva.

An icy silhouette of a canine's bad luck.

A chilly reminder of a lesson learned:

When exploring with your tongue in sub zero temperatures, always stay away from shiny objects.

(Also, a shout-out to my mom-in-law. I owe her credit for raising such a man as my amazing husband. Mom R., thank you for birthing and raising the man of my dreams. You did an amazing job and I hope I can be as great a mom as you are some day. Thanks for sharing your son with me, he makes me so happy. Love you.)

my husband is driving me crazy...

Absolutely nuts.

I think I might go insane.

I'm so mentally preoccupied with him.
Night and day, I just can't seem to get him out of my head.
And he doesn't make it easy for me either...

First of all, how am I supposed to manage seeing this everyday?

Seriously. Stinkin' hot.

Then, after an extensive interchange of emails between ourselves last week, he sent me the most sweet and tender sentence I've ever received. It read:

"You make me happy every day."

 Yesterday I was gloomy.
Yesterday I was teary.
Yesterday was an especially yucky day.
Yesterday he sent me flowers.

And yesterday, and the day before, and the days before that, he hugged me until I let go.

Which took a long time...

Everyday, I'm reminded of how lucky I am.

Because he drives me crazy.

And I love him for it.